Everyone in this world wants to feel happy. In our modern world, the media around us is constantly inviting us to buy things, eat things, and do things with the promise they will make us feel good.
But what really makes us happy? If happiness were all about things, why are some people always happy and peaceful, despite having few material possessions? Why do others always appear miserable, even when they seem to have everything they could possibly desire? And why is that that we can sometimes feel happy – or unhappy – for no apparent reason?
After pondering these questions for many years, I’ve come to realize:
Happiness does not come from things – but from our THOUGHTS.
Our thoughts are the key determinant of our experience of life. And as our thoughts are always changing, our experiences – and our feelings – are also constantly changing. Some thoughts will produce the feelings of joy and inner peace; others bring feelings of sorrow and anxiety. The more we think a specific thought, the more it magnifies the feelings it generates.
But even though happiness lies not in the outside world, but within the internal world of our own thoughts, few of us are aware of what we are thinking at any given moment.
To address this problem, this article will explore:
• Why most of us are unaware of our thoughts
• Why our thoughts become feelings
• How we can become aware of our thoughts
Why Most of Us are UNAWARE of Our Thoughts
The great 17th century scholar Blaise Pascal is quoted to have said, “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” If being quiet with one’s own thoughts was a challenge 400 years ago, it is even more difficult for us today. The technology of our digital age is constantly pulling our thoughts in different directions. Once, on a New York City subway train, I
counted 12 out of 14 people who were staring at their mobile phones. How aware of their own thoughts can they be in those moments?
From sitting on a bus to standing in line at the grocery store, there are countless opportunities throughout the day for each of us to spend some time alone with our own thoughts. Yet, our minds are always racing, and we are continuously subjected to information overload. In this way, our attention becomes focused on the external world. Our feelings become entangled with our interpretation of other people’s perceptions, and we become unaware of what WE are thinking and feeling.
How Our Thoughts Become Feelings
Every day, we see or hear things that trigger our thoughts. If these thoughts recall a memory of an event from the past, we often will experience the same emotions –both positive and negative – we felt back when the event took place. But very often, we are not even aware of what’s happening, and we don’t consciously make the connection between the trigger, the memory, and the emotional response we are experiencing. If we walk through life without this awareness, we remain vulnerable to reliving our past emotions, time and time again.
The media is arguably one of the biggest thought triggers in today’s world. Recently, I visited some friends for a few days. One morning, when I was making some coffee in the kitchen, I noticed my friends were flipping channels through the morning news shows. As they watched the reports on the latest political dramas, their emotional levels were very high. They were angry, anxious and frustrated. Seeing how agitated they were made me wonder how many people regularly start their days by watching or listening to the news. How many of them then go out into the world in such a heightened emotional state? How many of them feel these feelings, imagining them to be their own, unaware of the fact that they were stimulated by external triggers?
But let’s not blame the news for our emotions. Our feelings arise from our mental interpretation of what we saw and heard in the news. Someone else watching the same report will have different thoughts and, hence, different feelings. Furthermore, the news itself, and how it is reported, is just someone else’s interpretation of events. In this way, millions of people can witness the same event and have vastly different opinions, beliefs and feelings about it. Conflict arises when everyone insists their interpretation of the event is THE truth.
How We Can Become Aware of Our Thoughts
If we want to liberate ourselves from emotional triggers, we must first become aware of our thoughts. The most effective way to do that is simply to observe them. You may find that as thoughts come and go so quickly, trying to observe them can be a real challenge. Our thoughts can also deceive us but our emotions never lie. So, instead of focusing on the thought, it is often easier to start with the feeling, and weave your way backwards. In other words, whenever you experience a strong emotion – whether positive or negative – take a moment to ask/notice:
• What am I feeling right now? When did this feeling begin?
• What am I thinking right now? When did I start thinking this?
• What happened just before I had this thought?
This simple act of observation frees us from being controlled by our thoughts. Over time, we will start to recognize the connection between external triggers, thoughts and emotions. Eventually, we will start to see how certain triggers tend to result in certain thoughts, and certain thoughts tend to generate certain emotions.
This gives us tremendous power over our emotions:
• We can hold onto and relish those thoughts that bring positive feelings of happiness, satisfaction and peace.
• We can acknowledge and release those thoughts that bring negative feelings like fear, blame or anger. Unfortunately, so many of us tend to do the opposite. When we have pleasant thoughts and positive emotions, we typically smile and release them. But when we have thoughts that produce negative emotions (especially feelings of resentment towards someone else), we tend to hold onto those thoughts as tightly as we can. That is not the path to joy and inner peace.
Closing Thoughts
It is easy to go through life believing we are powerless over our emotions. But the truth is:
When we know how to
observe, recognize and navigate our thoughts,
We can ALWAYS choose happiness.
I started this article by saying happiness does not come from things, but thoughts. Happiness does not lie outside ourselves, but dwells within our inner being – our Higher Self. That Higher Self knows our true desires, and is always steering us in the direction to attain them. The better we become at observing our thoughts, the more we will be able to embrace our own happiness – now and always.
These ideas are adapted from concepts in my new book The Three Rooms. If you click here, you can read more about the book, and purchase it if you wish.
Next time on this blog, I’ll introduce you to these three rooms – The Past Room, The Present Room or The Future Room – and explain how our thoughts always live in one of them. I hope you’ll subscribe to this blog, so you can receive that and all future articles on The Three Rooms.
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